Back to School

Today was the first day of a new semester for me!! It was nice to finally have something to take my mind off of everything that's been going on around here. I'm pretty sure Kyla and Nick are going to get married. They're practically inseparable. I think they're completely MFEO, though, so it's fine.

I could talk a lot about what I'll be learning this semester, but really, unless you're a designer you'd find it boring. BUT, one thing I love is the feel of being on campus. Being among like minded individuals that are going to be the next generation of leaders! It's so inspiring!
This fall is a little bittersweet for me. This is my last year of college and although it's been so amazing, I'm sad that this is my last fall here. I can't wait to begin new adventures, but this whole experience has been an amazing journey. I've met the most remarkable friends that will have a huge impact on the rest of my life. I have loved this time to learn and grow! Part of me doesn't want to ever leave college, but another part of me knows it's time. I hate change. I hate letting of great experiences, even if amazing ones are lying in wait for me!
I ran into Hollander on campus today. My heart a aches when I see him. Our conversation went something like this:
H: Hey! (slightly surprised even though he knows I go there!)
Me: Hey back.
H: how are things?
Me:things are good. How are you?
H: Good. Good. Just got out of class. I was heading back to my apartment. Are you heading back that way? Want to walk together?
And my heart just broke a little bit. I know we're supposed to be friends and all that, but hearing him talk like we are actually friends and that we didn't fall in love.... Or acting like I wasn't in love with him... Was excruciating.
Me: I've actually got another class to go to, but thanks for the offer. It was nice to see you.
And before he could answer I started walking towards the Wilkinson center. I didn't have another class and needed to get home, but I didn't think my heart could take the walk home with him. So I didn't. And I waited in the Wilk for a half hour so he wouldn't know I'd lied to him.
Why did things have to go the way they did? I keep telling myself I don't love him and that we're just friends, but then I see him and I hear his voice and I'm right back where I started. Knowing that it will be hard to ever find someone who understood me like he did.