Back to School

Today was the first day of a new semester for me!! It was nice to finally have something to take my mind off of everything that's been going on around here. I'm pretty sure Kyla and Nick are going to get married. They're practically inseparable. I think they're completely MFEO, though, so it's fine.

I could talk a lot about what I'll be learning this semester, but really, unless you're a designer you'd find it boring. BUT, one thing I love is the feel of being on campus. Being among like minded individuals that are going to be the next generation of leaders! It's so inspiring!
This fall is a little bittersweet for me. This is my last year of college and although it's been so amazing, I'm sad that this is my last fall here. I can't wait to begin new adventures, but this whole experience has been an amazing journey. I've met the most remarkable friends that will have a huge impact on the rest of my life. I have loved this time to learn and grow! Part of me doesn't want to ever leave college, but another part of me knows it's time. I hate change. I hate letting of great experiences, even if amazing ones are lying in wait for me!
I ran into Hollander on campus today. My heart a aches when I see him. Our conversation went something like this:
H: Hey! (slightly surprised even though he knows I go there!)
Me: Hey back.
H: how are things?
Me:things are good. How are you?
H: Good. Good. Just got out of class. I was heading back to my apartment. Are you heading back that way? Want to walk together?
And my heart just broke a little bit. I know we're supposed to be friends and all that, but hearing him talk like we are actually friends and that we didn't fall in love.... Or acting like I wasn't in love with him... Was excruciating.
Me: I've actually got another class to go to, but thanks for the offer. It was nice to see you.
And before he could answer I started walking towards the Wilkinson center. I didn't have another class and needed to get home, but I didn't think my heart could take the walk home with him. So I didn't. And I waited in the Wilk for a half hour so he wouldn't know I'd lied to him.
Why did things have to go the way they did? I keep telling myself I don't love him and that we're just friends, but then I see him and I hear his voice and I'm right back where I started. Knowing that it will be hard to ever find someone who understood me like he did.

Pass the Ben and Jerry's

Hey y'all! Sorry I haven't posted lately. I've been a little down. Hollander and I broke up. Ugh. He's so stubborn! I hate it. You'd think he'd listen to what I had to say, but no. He just had to be right. I mean, I think I know what I'm talking about, right? Y'all understand, right?

Any way, I don't really want to get in to that right now. But, since I am officially single again, my roommates have started inviting me to come hang out with them, which is so sweet of them. But, it's a little awkward. The other night Kyla and Nick invited me to go see a movie with them and insisted that I come. So, I said I would. I didn't have any other plans. But, they also invited another couple. It was crazy awkward for me. I sat in between both couples watching a very intense action movie. I mean, at least it wasn't a chick flick or I would have probably sobbed all through it. Instead, I sat there awkwardly. And then, they sat through, like ALL of the credits. Who does that in a movie other than a Marvel movie? Apparently these people do. It was super weird. I ended up leaving the theater and responding to the texts I missed from being in the movie, because I am NOT one of those people who texts during movies. That's awful and no one should ever do it.

And then I came home and sat out on the balcony to just be by myself for a little bit and do you know who I saw?! That's right, I saw Hollander walking a girl home, and she was giggling. Ugh. And she's waaaay shorter than Hollander. She lives in the same building as me. I think her name is Stacey? Maybe? I can't remember exactly, but I do know her. And as much as I hate it, she's actually a pretty good fit for him. Which made me feel even worse. And I started to cry, but I didn't want people to know I was crying, so I was, like, muffling my cries. And then I saw Hollander leave a few minutes later. He stopped just after stepping off the sidewalk and totally looked right up at my balcony. I don't think he saw me, though, because I feel like he would have still said hi. Because things ended well, mostly. We said we'd still say hi and that kind of thing.

I hate dating. I hate breaking up even more. Because as great as Stacey is, I think I still have feelings for Hollander. And seeing them walk down the sidewalk together nearly killed me. I mean I was on my balcony crying. CRYING. I hate crying. And it was a real serisous cry, not like when I cried because Tom Hiddleston started dating Taylor Swift, which could be it's own post altogether. Ugh. But since we're talking about Tom, I think I am going to replace him because he's dating Taylor Swift. And I used to LOVE her music but now I listen to it and I cringe a little bit. I mean I'm sure they're happy, and that's awesome. I just hate people in happy relationships. Okay, I don't HATE them, but I just want to keep my distance from their happiness right now.

 I came across the mini series North and South on Netflix. Have y'all seen that one?! If not, you HAVE to watch it! I think the main guy on that one might be my new Tom. His name is Richard Armitage, and he is so amazing on that show. Apparently he was also in The Hobbit movies? I don't know that I've watched those ones. I mean, I've read The Hobbit, but three movies seems a bit much for how little that book is.

Any way, I'm exhausted. And all I've done is written this blog post! Emotions are hard. I don't like them. I mean, I love them, just not when my heart hurts. And my heart really hurts right now. I'm going to go eat some ice cream.

Night, y'all!!