Back to School

Today was the first day of a new semester for me!! It was nice to finally have something to take my mind off of everything that's been going on around here. I'm pretty sure Kyla and Nick are going to get married. They're practically inseparable. I think they're completely MFEO, though, so it's fine.

I could talk a lot about what I'll be learning this semester, but really, unless you're a designer you'd find it boring. BUT, one thing I love is the feel of being on campus. Being among like minded individuals that are going to be the next generation of leaders! It's so inspiring!
This fall is a little bittersweet for me. This is my last year of college and although it's been so amazing, I'm sad that this is my last fall here. I can't wait to begin new adventures, but this whole experience has been an amazing journey. I've met the most remarkable friends that will have a huge impact on the rest of my life. I have loved this time to learn and grow! Part of me doesn't want to ever leave college, but another part of me knows it's time. I hate change. I hate letting of great experiences, even if amazing ones are lying in wait for me!
I ran into Hollander on campus today. My heart a aches when I see him. Our conversation went something like this:
H: Hey! (slightly surprised even though he knows I go there!)
Me: Hey back.
H: how are things?
Me:things are good. How are you?
H: Good. Good. Just got out of class. I was heading back to my apartment. Are you heading back that way? Want to walk together?
And my heart just broke a little bit. I know we're supposed to be friends and all that, but hearing him talk like we are actually friends and that we didn't fall in love.... Or acting like I wasn't in love with him... Was excruciating.
Me: I've actually got another class to go to, but thanks for the offer. It was nice to see you.
And before he could answer I started walking towards the Wilkinson center. I didn't have another class and needed to get home, but I didn't think my heart could take the walk home with him. So I didn't. And I waited in the Wilk for a half hour so he wouldn't know I'd lied to him.
Why did things have to go the way they did? I keep telling myself I don't love him and that we're just friends, but then I see him and I hear his voice and I'm right back where I started. Knowing that it will be hard to ever find someone who understood me like he did.

Pass the Ben and Jerry's

Hey y'all! Sorry I haven't posted lately. I've been a little down. Hollander and I broke up. Ugh. He's so stubborn! I hate it. You'd think he'd listen to what I had to say, but no. He just had to be right. I mean, I think I know what I'm talking about, right? Y'all understand, right?

Any way, I don't really want to get in to that right now. But, since I am officially single again, my roommates have started inviting me to come hang out with them, which is so sweet of them. But, it's a little awkward. The other night Kyla and Nick invited me to go see a movie with them and insisted that I come. So, I said I would. I didn't have any other plans. But, they also invited another couple. It was crazy awkward for me. I sat in between both couples watching a very intense action movie. I mean, at least it wasn't a chick flick or I would have probably sobbed all through it. Instead, I sat there awkwardly. And then, they sat through, like ALL of the credits. Who does that in a movie other than a Marvel movie? Apparently these people do. It was super weird. I ended up leaving the theater and responding to the texts I missed from being in the movie, because I am NOT one of those people who texts during movies. That's awful and no one should ever do it.

And then I came home and sat out on the balcony to just be by myself for a little bit and do you know who I saw?! That's right, I saw Hollander walking a girl home, and she was giggling. Ugh. And she's waaaay shorter than Hollander. She lives in the same building as me. I think her name is Stacey? Maybe? I can't remember exactly, but I do know her. And as much as I hate it, she's actually a pretty good fit for him. Which made me feel even worse. And I started to cry, but I didn't want people to know I was crying, so I was, like, muffling my cries. And then I saw Hollander leave a few minutes later. He stopped just after stepping off the sidewalk and totally looked right up at my balcony. I don't think he saw me, though, because I feel like he would have still said hi. Because things ended well, mostly. We said we'd still say hi and that kind of thing.

I hate dating. I hate breaking up even more. Because as great as Stacey is, I think I still have feelings for Hollander. And seeing them walk down the sidewalk together nearly killed me. I mean I was on my balcony crying. CRYING. I hate crying. And it was a real serisous cry, not like when I cried because Tom Hiddleston started dating Taylor Swift, which could be it's own post altogether. Ugh. But since we're talking about Tom, I think I am going to replace him because he's dating Taylor Swift. And I used to LOVE her music but now I listen to it and I cringe a little bit. I mean I'm sure they're happy, and that's awesome. I just hate people in happy relationships. Okay, I don't HATE them, but I just want to keep my distance from their happiness right now.

 I came across the mini series North and South on Netflix. Have y'all seen that one?! If not, you HAVE to watch it! I think the main guy on that one might be my new Tom. His name is Richard Armitage, and he is so amazing on that show. Apparently he was also in The Hobbit movies? I don't know that I've watched those ones. I mean, I've read The Hobbit, but three movies seems a bit much for how little that book is.

Any way, I'm exhausted. And all I've done is written this blog post! Emotions are hard. I don't like them. I mean, I love them, just not when my heart hurts. And my heart really hurts right now. I'm going to go eat some ice cream.

Night, y'all!!

Birthday Goodness

Hey y'all!! I know it's been a while and y'all thought I forgot about you, but I didn't. Promise. I had my birthday a few weeks ago and it was a month long celebration, I think.

Whenever we were just the girls at the apartment and we'd watch Chopped on the Food Network even though none of us cook as much as they do on the show, we'd have a brilliant idea to go get slurpees or something and then we'd say something like "we can't do that. We'd have to move." then someone would yell "BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION!!" And we'd all jump up and go. Most of the time. And then they would make me wear this inflatable crown that just appeared from nowhere three weeks ago and I had to wear it the entire time we were out of the apartment.

Seven eleven is such an interesting place at night. On the weekends it's a little bit sketchy, even for Provo. But, on weeknights there's usually no one there and since we're all mostly working part time jobs over the summer or taking a couple of classes, it's fun to go venturing out at midnight for a slurpee run. My favorite flavor is 2/3 Wild Cherry, 1/3 Pina Colada. I've never had a real pina colada, but the slurpees are totes delish. I can't imagine them being any better with alcohol.

My actual birthday was spent with the girls, minus Kyla. She had gotten into a fight with her boyfriend Nick a few days before and hadn't talked to him, and then he showed up with the most gorgeous flowers and the most heartfelt apology and I was almost crying it was so beautiful. He invited her to dinner, but she told him she couldn't.
"Why not?" he asked.
"Because it's Ralieigh's birthday and we have had these plans for weeks." she told him. Though I know she really wanted to go.
"Oh, for heaven's sakes. You're not staying here because of me." I told her. I pushed her out the door, Took her flowers from her and walked over to the sink.
"I'll put these in water. Have a nice night!" I yelled as the door shut. I really hope they make it. I can't think of a better couple than those two.

You know how people just fit together? That's Nick and Kyla. They just compliment each other. I love it. I love them. Together. And when Nick dropped her off, we heard whispering outside the door and muted the TV, because that's what you do. They were laughing about something and then he kissed her, I think. The door really muffled the sound coming in. And then Kyla came in and we quickly unmuted the TV and pretend that we weren't listening. Kyla blushed and then kissed Nick once more and pushed him out the door and closed it behind him. She leaned against the closed door and just looked at us with a goofy grin on her face.

"Guys, I think I love him" She told us, and all six of us squealed with delight. We watched him walk back to his apartment from our balcony door that overlooked the parking lot.

Oh! Hollander! I haven't updated y'all on him in a while. He's actually been gone the last three weeks. He wasn't here for my birthday, but he did send me a gorgous bouquet of flowers. Our apartment smelled wonderful for days. The card that came with Hollander's flowers just said "Thinking of you on your birthday. Can't wait to celebrate when I get back. -H" isn't he the sweetest? He went home because his little sister was getting married and she wanted to spend some time with him before the big day, I guess. I also don't think Hollander had gone home for a long time, so it's good that he went.

Guys, it's just been the most amazing month. I can't wait to tell you more, but I am so exhausted, I need to get some sleep!!

Night, y'all!!

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

Alrighty, y'all, I'm just saying this now, I'm pretty sure Hollander is the man of my dreams! *sigh* I die to death! (In a good way!) He took me on a date last night because he's headed to his parent's house for Father's Day today and I swanee! I swoon whenever I see him! I have a hard time breathing sometimes! I just, I can't even! And I know this all sounds familiar, but it's the truth!!

The date. Let me just say that he is more like a dream than reality. I sometimes pinch myself to make sure I'm awake! He came over to pick me up and instead of heading to his car he took my hand and we went for a walk. I was a little surprised, especially since I was wearing ballet flats, not walking shoes. And I was wearing this gorgeous white dress with this blue printed floral design on the edges. It kind of reminded me of the Dutch Delft blue pottery, only in my gorgeous spring dress that I found on sale the other day and nearly died and HAD to buy it. But that's neither here nor there, and it definitely has nothing to do with the actual date.

So, we're walking away from my apartment building and we're about a block away when he turns down another street. I look back at my apartment, confused.

"It's just a little further" He tells me and tugs gently at my hand, so I keep going. I have walked all over Provo, and I had never noticed the small park two blocks from my apartment! But Hollander did! And he had this beautiful picnic all set up! We sat on this gorgeous hand quilted blanket that looked like it had been passed down from generation to generation since about the pioneers. It was worn, but sturdy. The colors had long since faded, but I knew it had been loved. And I couldn't help wondering how long Hollander had kept this blanket, and why we were sitting on it. But, we sat down and he had made a simple picnic of sandwiches and chips and fruit and capri sun drinks! And fruit snacks! I felt like a kid again! And then after we ate we ran over to the swing set and he pushed me so I could go so high! We were laughing so hard, guys. I LOVED every minute of it! I can't even. He's just so perfect.

And then, after the swinging, we just sat there and talked. He's the oldest of five kids. He's from Park City. When he was a kid he wanted to be a fire fighter, and then a quarterback for the Denver Broncos, and now he's going to be an accountant. There is a sincerity in his eyes that I can't get past. I love it. I love him, but not like LOVE love him....YET. *sigh*

And when he walked me home, we stood outside my apartment door on the third floor and continued talking for a while longer and just before he said goodbye, he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and then HE KISSED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't even explain how amazing it was! It was just a simple but beautiful kiss and I loved it! I don't think I've ever been kissed like that, y'all. It was magical! Like, life altering magical!

And, we're going out again on Tuesday. I can't even wait!! I'll keep you posted on the deets as they come!!

Night, y'all!!!

Adventures in Dating

Hey y'all!!! I have THE MOST AMAZING story to tell ya!!  I'm not even kidding. Oh. My. Gosh. Okay. Guys. Hollander. He came over to my apartment the other day just to say hi. He said he saw me and Kyla out on our balcony (we're on the third floor) and wanted to get to know us better. And by us, I'm pretty sure he meant ME. I died to death. He is the man of my dreams.  MAN. OF. MY. DREAMS.!!!!!!! *sigh!!!!* oh my gosh!!! I can barely even talk I'm so excited.

So then, after he left and asked if he could come over again and I can't even remember if I spoke words, I was so twitter-patted by him.

So, a few days later, I was by the pool just working on my tan and loving my chevron patterned swim suit that I just bought. Totes adorbs, you know, and I was about to jump into the pool, and I was so glad I didn't because just as I stood, Hollander walked through the gate. I didn't even see his face when I just had this thought 'you could totes marry him'. And I could. He has a great tan that I hadn't noticed before and is really well built. He's got a six pack. I almost fainted when I saw him. And then, AND THEN, he came over by me. I was waiting for him to say hi, but I don't think he saw me because he stopped before he even got half way across the pavement. I thought I was going to die. His friend had just gotten out of the pool and they were talking. I'm so glad I didn't say anything, I would have felt like such an idiot. I was about to dive in the deep end when I heard people running behind me and then next thing I know, I feel someone's hands around my waist and then I was in the pool.
     When I finally came back up I heard guys laughing. I turned to glare and yell at whoever had just ruined my perfect dive and there he was again. Laughing. This is my rendition of the conversation that followed:
     "What are you laughing about?!?!?!?!?!!!"
     "ha ha ha ha ha, you were surprisingly easy to get in the pool!"
     "I was about dive in and you ruined my dive!!"
     "Yeah, but you didn't fight me."
     "Oh my gosh, why are guys so ridiculous?!?!?!"
     "C'mon, it was fun and you know it. Besides, you were already beside the pool, I figured I'd help you out."
     I give him a scathing look, and he pretends to be hurt.
     "Okay, okay, I'm sorry I pulled you in to the pool. I was just trying to have fun. But I am really glad you're here because I wanted to ask you something."
     All frustration and anger are gone. His baby blue eyes are sparkling. SPARKLING. I thought that was just a figure of speech, but it's not.
"Oh? And what's that?"
"Do you want to go on a date with me tomorrow night?"
"Sure" I said instantaniously. Eat your heart out, Jessica. #iwin #gorgeous #icanteven

And guys. The date. OH.EM.GEE. He said that his roommates were having a movie night, but he wanted to take me to dinner first. I was so excited.

I looked amazing! I wore my favorite skinny jeans and this great polka dot top. I found my favorite pair of strappy sandals that matched perfectly! I did that whole beachy waves loose curl with my hair that looked GREAT. I was totes adorbs. #dontbejelly #totesadorbs #socute
I put on some shimmery lip gloss as I heard a knock on the door. EEK! He was there to pick me up!!

And there he was. Hollander. And his smile made me melt. I just. I can't even. And he took me to Los Hermanos for dinner, which is the best mexican food place around. I love their food. And I loved talking to him. And I don't even remember what movie we watched after because I just loved hanging out with him. And at the end of the date, he walked me home and kissed my hand and said he'd come by the next day, which was yesterday, and he did and that's a whole different story, though. In a totes good way. Ahhhh!!! It's been the most amazing summer of my entire life and it's only JUNE!!!

Deets That May Be Helpful

So, I should probably tell y'all a little bit about living in Utah. I  LOVE it here!! I attend Brigham Young University (BYU) but Kyla, Jax and Shelly all go to Utah Valley University (UVU). It's different here than anywhere else, I promise.

 I'm going to try and explain things that someone who hasn't grown up around here might not understand. First of all, I'm a Mormon (the nickname for members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints), and if this is a problem then I'd recommend you not continue with this blog because I am very happy with my religion and way of life. I won't dwell on this a lot, but it will come up from time to time given where I live and the culture here.
     As a member of the LDS faith, I don't drink alcohol, I don't smoke or do drugs. I don't swear. I don't sleep around. I live by the guidelines outlined by my church and they can be found here!! I don't watch R rated movies. I do dance!! I LOVE to bake cupcakes!! I like to try my hand at crafty projects I find on Pinterest!!
     I am the oldest of four girls. I love my sisters!! They sometimes drive me crazy, but it's so much fun!! My younger sister Karlee just left for a mission!! She is serving in Long Beach, CA and I miss her so much!! Any ideas on great packages to send her are always appreciated!! Karlee is my best friend, we were going to room together this fall, but she went on a mission instead and I am so excited for her!! It's the opportunity of a lifetime!! I sometimes think about going, but I want to finish my degree first!! I am getting my Bachelor's degree in Family and Consumer Science and I can't wait to get married and be a mom and raise my kids one day!! I am currently searching for my very own Knight in Shining Armor to come along and sweep me off my feet. That's partly why I chose to stay here this summer instead of moving back home for a few months. I kind of wanted to see what it was like when most people aren't in school and stuff. I like it so far, I have great room mates!! My ward (or the congregation I meet with on Sundays) is AMAZING!!! There's a lot more guys than girls, which I am fine with!!

Fellas

So, my adorbs roommate Kyla totally met this guy in the grocery store a few weeks ago and now they're dating and I can't even tell you how adorably cute they are. Like, so so cute. *sigh*. And we all worried she'd never find anyone.

I think it's because he's persistent. His name is Nick. He's a business major that still has a year and a half left. He drives a nice car and dresses real nice. I hope they get married. They'd have the most adorable children.

Speaking of men, I went to a gathering of like minded individuals the other night and there was a new guy there. I think his name is Hollander. He is tall with sandy blonde hair and these gorgeous blue eyes. I swanee! I saw him from across the crowd and I swear time stood still. And then he looked over at me. And then he smiled and winked. And I don't remember what happened after that. I think my face went red and I probably looked away. And then, after the prayer, he came over to where I was standing. And, guys, he said hi!! #omg #lifegoals #bucketlist #manofmydreams.

I can't even. Seriously. I can't. He is so amazingly handsome. And then he walked away. And that little tart, Jessica, she was practically throwing herself at him. Well, throwing herself as much as a girl does in Utah. Which means she is hanging on his arm and laughing at, like, everything he says. Ugh. Some girls don't know when to stop. And I just hope that the moment we shared lasts beyond that glance. I know it did for me.